In August of last year, Kristen and I took our oldest daughter, Ramsey, on a special day trip for her 3rd birthday. We were driving down the highway when I began to experience dizziness and faint tunnel vision. At first, I didn't say anything. I thought I needed to adjust my legs and that I would be okay. Unfortunately, that didn't help and I immediately moved over to the shoulder and told my wife what was going on, knowing I didn't feel comfortable driving in this state. She drove the rest of the trip. For the rest of the day, I battled a severe case of vertigo. As I reflected back on the experience, I realized how badly it could have gone had I not been able to get to the side of the road safely. Since then, thankfully, I've had no recurrence of vertigo.
Fast forward to today. We were leaving a family vacation in the mountains and were on our way to see Kristen's parents. As we traveled down I-40 above Asheville, I began to feel as if I was going to have an onset of vertigo. With how the roads curve in and around the mountains, there was no safe way for me to exit the highway with my family. It was then that the panic attacks started. My breathing became shallow, my body filled with panic, and my legs felt like dead weight. I tried to distract myself with the radio. I tried to engage Kristen in conversation. Everything I tried did not work. Finally, I was able to tell Kristen that I was having a panic attack about the possibility of the vertigo returning while driving. We pulled off of an exit and I let Kristen drive. I sat in the back with our girls and was fine the rest of the drive.
Here's what I found most troubling about today's episode: I didn't want to say anything to Kristen about the panic attack. I wasn't entirely sure how to articulate what I was experiencing. On top of that, I didn't want to admit to what I thought was happening. At no point did I get dizzy or disoriented from vertigo. I never felt the initial feelings of dizziness or lightheadedness. Yet I couldn't stop the panic from sweeping through my body. After all, I'm a pastor - I'm supposed to be immune to these things right? Wrong. I couldn't fix myself. I didn't want to appear weak and so I kept quiet for way longer than I should have. It was only by admitting my weakness and asking for help that the panic attack subsided.
Again, so why do I share all this? I share it in hopes that it will help others who have panic or anxiety attacks to not be afraid to speak up. I share it to be honest about the struggles we all face, even if it's a struggle that can be hidden behind a smiling face. I share it because my wife didn't shame me, question me, or doubt the sincerity of what I was saying. She simply listened and then offered to help by driving for me. I share it because the fear and stigma of mental health issues can wire our mouths shut quicker than almost anything else. I share it because even if we are diligent in our walk with Jesus, we are still subject to life in a fallen world and it's a life that can be filled with panic attacks, anxiety attacks, depression, and a whole host of mental health issues. I share it because we, especially the church, have to become better at how we handle when brothers and sisters in Christ struggle with mental health issues. After all, Jesus isn't ashamed of nor is He rendered powerless to helping us because of our struggles with mental health.
In the moment, I couldn't get my mind clear enough to think on Scripture but after the panic subsided, I looked up some verses from the Psalms and one from Isaiah to help settle my mind and spirit. Here are a few I found that I hope are an encouragement to you as well:
Psalm 34:4 - "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."
Psalm 55:22 - "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken."
Psalm 56:3 - "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you."
Psalm 94:19 - "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."
Isaiah 41:10 - "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Let's stay in this fight together.
With grace and love,
Chris
Fast forward to today. We were leaving a family vacation in the mountains and were on our way to see Kristen's parents. As we traveled down I-40 above Asheville, I began to feel as if I was going to have an onset of vertigo. With how the roads curve in and around the mountains, there was no safe way for me to exit the highway with my family. It was then that the panic attacks started. My breathing became shallow, my body filled with panic, and my legs felt like dead weight. I tried to distract myself with the radio. I tried to engage Kristen in conversation. Everything I tried did not work. Finally, I was able to tell Kristen that I was having a panic attack about the possibility of the vertigo returning while driving. We pulled off of an exit and I let Kristen drive. I sat in the back with our girls and was fine the rest of the drive.
Here's what I found most troubling about today's episode: I didn't want to say anything to Kristen about the panic attack. I wasn't entirely sure how to articulate what I was experiencing. On top of that, I didn't want to admit to what I thought was happening. At no point did I get dizzy or disoriented from vertigo. I never felt the initial feelings of dizziness or lightheadedness. Yet I couldn't stop the panic from sweeping through my body. After all, I'm a pastor - I'm supposed to be immune to these things right? Wrong. I couldn't fix myself. I didn't want to appear weak and so I kept quiet for way longer than I should have. It was only by admitting my weakness and asking for help that the panic attack subsided.
Again, so why do I share all this? I share it in hopes that it will help others who have panic or anxiety attacks to not be afraid to speak up. I share it to be honest about the struggles we all face, even if it's a struggle that can be hidden behind a smiling face. I share it because my wife didn't shame me, question me, or doubt the sincerity of what I was saying. She simply listened and then offered to help by driving for me. I share it because the fear and stigma of mental health issues can wire our mouths shut quicker than almost anything else. I share it because even if we are diligent in our walk with Jesus, we are still subject to life in a fallen world and it's a life that can be filled with panic attacks, anxiety attacks, depression, and a whole host of mental health issues. I share it because we, especially the church, have to become better at how we handle when brothers and sisters in Christ struggle with mental health issues. After all, Jesus isn't ashamed of nor is He rendered powerless to helping us because of our struggles with mental health.
In the moment, I couldn't get my mind clear enough to think on Scripture but after the panic subsided, I looked up some verses from the Psalms and one from Isaiah to help settle my mind and spirit. Here are a few I found that I hope are an encouragement to you as well:
Psalm 34:4 - "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."
Psalm 55:22 - "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken."
Psalm 56:3 - "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you."
Psalm 94:19 - "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."
Isaiah 41:10 - "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Let's stay in this fight together.
With grace and love,
Chris
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